My Sister is the Macgyver of Shopping

In NYC I consider it a total victory if I spend $100 and get one, maybe two items.  And finding those two items is a painstakingly brutal task because I hate shopping, I just hate it.  Unfortunately, I love new clothes and pretty things.  It’s an awful dilemma living in New York City being constantly surrounded by super skinny, super fashionable girls.  What choice do I have but to make a very lame attempt to keep up?

So I go to Jersey, and my sister is my weapon of mass destruction.

When I walk into a store in New Jersey I get completely overwhelmed and become miserable and mope around like a big fat baby.  My sister, on the other hand, lights up and turns into a complete shopping machine.   I don’t know how she did it, but I walked out of Bloomingdales with a new coat (rabbit trim—yeah yeah, sorry PETA), 3 new dresses, a pair of black jeggings, a wallet, a pair of really nice stockings and some SPANX (a girl’s best friend) for $278.  SERIOUSLY.

She was pulling coupons out of secret compartments and dropping all kinds of madness in every store we went to--I actually think we might have MADE money while shopping, but I can’t be sure, it all happened so fast.

Then, because my sister told me my purse made me look like a homeless person, I was forced to buy a new purse from TJ Maxx for $29 and was later asked by a gay man if I was carrying the new CHANNEL. (correction: Chanel)

Why yes, yes I am.